Bernie Sings and Plays

Bernie got a call to sing and play the piano at a hotel lounge for one night.  He asked, of course, if the piano needed tuning, hoping to get two jobs in one.  "Oh no, we're all set," replied the manager, "we get it tuned regularly."

Bernie arrived at the hotel a good hour before he was to perform.  The lounge was pretty empty, so he wandered over to the piano and gave it a tickle.  It sounded terrible, way out of tune.  "Aha, I knew it," thought Bernie.  That's why he had packed his tools, just in case.  He went out to his car and got his tuning wrench and a few felt and rubber muting strips.

He knew he didn't have enough time to do a full tuning, so he had an idea.  He muted all the strings in the piano so each note played only one string instead of the usual three or two.  This made the piano sound better already.  He quickly tuned the unmuted strings, as many in the middle of the piano as time permitted.  Then, leaving the mutes in, he started performing.

It went well.  The piano sounded a little quiet but pretty good, and an appreciative crowd grew.  After an hour, Bernie took a break.  Someone bought him a drink, he chatted everyone up at the bar, but he gave himself time to finish tuning the single strings that he hadn't gotten to earlier.

The second set was great, he could play the upper octaves without flinching, he sang his heart out and people sang along.  By the end of the night, he had a lot of new friends.  When he was done playing, he simply pulled the mutes out of the piano and walked away, leaving some strings tuned and most not.  The piano would sound even worse for the next guy.  "Maybe now they'll call me to tune it," he thought, chuckling.